I Will NOT Say I'm In Love.....until I'm absolutely sure...

What do you do when you are suddenly swept off your feet?

I totally was not expecting it to happen. Heck I wasn't even looking! Then suddenly the craziest, quirkiest, most romantic person I've ever met pops into the picture with a guitar and a massive smile. He's amazing. I've never met anyone so vibrant and active. He's a character that you wouldn't expect to see outside of a screenplay or a music video. He's full of energy but it's not hard to keep up with him. He makes everything colorful...heheh ummm in several different ways. Being around him makes me excited about life. He makes me feel like the world is even more amazing than I ever knew and my options are endless.
He's the type of person who'd do something just to be able to say he'd tried it (ex: I could ask what he thought of dancing in a rainstorm naked and he'd say something along the lines of "Hmmm sounds like fun, let's try it!"). Haha Needless to say, being with him is a constant adventure. Now to the serious part.
I don't trust my heart. I feel almost....guilty...I'm afraid to start using the "L" word again. Is it too soon? ARRGGH! It's so frustrating because he helped me through the worst part of my "bad place" in one day after I'd been fighting it for months. And now that my feelings are starting to thaw out, I'm feeling...different. I guess nothing happens the same way twice. Being blank, frozen, and, yes, slightly bitter for four months makes me wonder what the "L" word really feels like. Four months isn't very long...but...? Ugh... Just ugh...

Best Friends Are Curious Creatures

So a rather interesting thing ocured: Someone made me realize that my feelings matter. Crazy. Right when I was resigned to being all doom and gloom for the rest of my life, an amazing person comes out of no where and tells me that everything's alright...and I believe him. So yeah, suddenly I have a best friend. It's been pretty amazing to say the least. He's exactly what a best friend should be and I hope that I'm half as helpful to him as he is to me.
At the moment I'm taking some time to think about what being a good best friend is. I think a best friend is someone you'd do just about anything for because they make you a better person. A best friend teaches you things and listens to what you have to say. They'll let you know when you've made a mistake. They'll set aside some "hangout time" so you both can enjoy a break from reality. They'll accept constructive criticism and give it with respect. A best friend will stand up for you but let you fight your own wars. They're your partner in crime and your shoulder angel. They won't tear you down. They won't use or betray you. They'll be there with a very large hug whether or not you need it. They won't play mind games with your emotions. They won't laugh when you tell them something important to you. They'll tell you what's on their mind and ask for advice. They won't lie but they won't make the truth brutal. And most importantly, they'll love you, even during your most obnoxious stupid moments.
That's what I've got so far. I plan on thinking about it more.

And the Pain Comes Back With Vengance

Let's face it folks: Love wasn't meant to be convenient.

Over the past few weeks, an old problem that I thought was resolved resurfaced and slowly drained as much energy from me as it could before I finally faced it today.
Being all smiles is what I do best, even during hard times. But today the smile came off and I just sat down and cried. Why did this have to come back? Just when I felt like I was strong again, the past came and ripped every defense I had to bits. I don't need to be in love...but it would be nice to have someone to talk to...but I don't want to spread my horrible mood....so why the heck am I blogging this?
Well no one really reads it anyway. Meh. Sigh* There's something therapeutic about writing/typing everything out of my head so I can just let it go for now and focus on more important things than myself. People need me. Don't have time to worry about "I". My pain's pretty trivial. I mean there's always someone who's hurting more, right?
Anyway...should be doing homework so I'll go get on that.


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Now playing: Dixie Chicks - Am I the Only One (Who's Ever Felt This Way?)
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Jacky Terrasson - Plaisir d'Amour
via FoxyTunes

Podcasts

Podcasts are just plain awesome. I mean who wouldn't want to set their ideas and funky quirks to a music and sounds?! So I'm attempting to start my own little podcasty deallybobber...I'll let you know when I get it all sorted out!

This I Believe...No..This I KNOW

*I know for a fact that God is the Eternal Father, Jesus is the Christ and the Holy Ghost is himself.
*I know that there are Prophets in the world today.
*I know miracles really do happen.
*I know there is a heaven and a hell and I know that there's more to both of them than some people seem willing to recognize.
*I know (and don't care) that being LDS isn't the most popular faith around.
*I know that most people don't like to be told the truth when they've believed otherwise for too long.
*I know that my Redeemer lives.
*I know that a lot of people have forgotten him, myself included for a while.
*I know and love that everything about my religion is true and good.
*I know that death is not the end because that statement doesn't make sense.
*I know that all of the promises that have been made to me through both the Bible and the Book of Mormon will be fulfilled.
*I know that the Book of Mormon helps me to understand the Bible in ways I never could have imagined before.
*I know that if I ask questions and search diligently, I will get answers (I may not always like what I get but I will get the truth).
*I know that I'm not perfect and I don't expect to be anytime soon, but I can try.
*I know that this probably won't be read by a whole bunch of people but I know that many who do will tell me I'm wrong without even thinking about it.
*I know that God led me to being who and what I am today.
*I know that God lets me make my own choices.
*I know for a fact that my ancestors are more than just names on a page.
*I know that my family is what really matters.
*I know that if wickedness never was happiness, then righteousness never was misery.
*I know that I'm going to love and forgive, because judgment of others is not my burden to bear.

I'm probably going to add more to this later.

College Life is the Reward For Dealing with Highschool

Well here I am! BYU-Idaho! Land of the free and home of the best looking Mormons around! It's quite amazing really. Open campus all the time, no cliques, no drama (as long as you stay organized), friendly people, interesting classes and teachers who actually care about you. You'd think that this is the most you could ever get out of a university, but there is MORE!!! FREE TUTORING in practically every subject. There's even an entire department of the library dedicated to helping students with their math home work. Another one is designed to assist with writing papers and another to help out with music theory and such!
Every Friday night there's a dance going on somewhere. Manwaring Center does the country and swing dancing, Hinkley Building does latin ballroom, and I can't remember where the ballroom dancing is held but it is. I get to go Mormon clubbing on the weekends! Here, guys ASK the girls to dance. They know how to dance and whirl the girls around the room like you'd see in the movies. When the song is over, the guys ESCORT the girls off the floor for some other prince charming to start the whole process over for the next dance. The music is great too! I think there's a formal coming up.....hmmm I'll have to look at the schedual.
Needless to say, college here is great!
TTYL

Merry Christmas: Deal With It

Since I'm on a roll with all the touchy controversial subjects, I'm going to burn another bridge. But this time, I don't think as many people will be offended.
Political Correctness is killing our nation's cultures. Happy Holidays? Winter Lights? That is ridiculous. I will say "Merry Christmas" and, if you don't do Christmas, I would be more than happy to hear "Happy Kwanzaa, Hanuka, New Year, etc." in return. That's just too cool to pass up. Culture is special, please share it.
Winter is so dark and cold. It can even be depressing. It only makes sense to spread the warmth of goodwill as a celebration during the bleakest time of the year. Sure the birth of Christ probably didn't even happen in December, but he did come during a bleak time in history. I don't know much about the other celebrations or what they represent, but I would love to learn.
Instead of attempting to kill all of the beautiful traditions that make us who we are, why not display them? It's a time of happiness and heartfelt gratitude towards others. Why should that be offensive to anyone? It's not like we're picketing against each other over who's beliefs are correct.
I love everything about Christmastime. It means family, love, generosity, hope for the future, peace and joy. I don't care about the commercialism. It's easily ignored. But, while I'm on the subject, there is something that I find amusing about it: Santa Claus.
Santa is not a victim of Commercialism. He is a symbol that companies use unknowingly. Think of what he represents. Kindness, happiness, love. He's the spirit of what Christmas means. And his face is everywhere, thanks to the corporate domain. Heaven forbid that peace on earth and goodwill towards men be used to fill shops and malls to serve as reminders to everyone who cares enough to notice.
In closing, I encourage anyone and everyone who reads this to think about their family traditions at this time of the year. Whether it's merry Christmas or something else, I wish you a very extra merry one and a happy New Year.