What do you do when you are suddenly swept off your feet?
I totally was not expecting it to happen. Heck I wasn't even looking! Then suddenly the craziest, quirkiest, most romantic person I've ever met pops into the picture with a guitar and a massive smile. He's amazing. I've never met anyone so vibrant and active. He's a character that you wouldn't expect to see outside of a screenplay or a music video. He's full of energy but it's not hard to keep up with him. He makes everything colorful...heheh ummm in several different ways. Being around him makes me excited about life. He makes me feel like the world is even more amazing than I ever knew and my options are endless.
He's the type of person who'd do something just to be able to say he'd tried it (ex: I could ask what he thought of dancing in a rainstorm naked and he'd say something along the lines of "Hmmm sounds like fun, let's try it!"). Haha Needless to say, being with him is a constant adventure. Now to the serious part.
I don't trust my heart. I feel almost....guilty...I'm afraid to start using the "L" word again. Is it too soon? ARRGGH! It's so frustrating because he helped me through the worst part of my "bad place" in one day after I'd been fighting it for months. And now that my feelings are starting to thaw out, I'm feeling...different. I guess nothing happens the same way twice. Being blank, frozen, and, yes, slightly bitter for four months makes me wonder what the "L" word really feels like. Four months isn't very long...but...? Ugh... Just ugh...
So a rather interesting thing ocured: Someone made me realize that my feelings matter. Crazy. Right when I was resigned to being all doom and gloom for the rest of my life, an amazing person comes out of no where and tells me that everything's alright...and I believe him. So yeah, suddenly I have a best friend. It's been pretty amazing to say the least. He's exactly what a best friend should be and I hope that I'm half as helpful to him as he is to me.
At the moment I'm taking some time to think about what being a good best friend is. I think a best friend is someone you'd do just about anything for because they make you a better person. A best friend teaches you things and listens to what you have to say. They'll let you know when you've made a mistake. They'll set aside some "hangout time" so you both can enjoy a break from reality. They'll accept constructive criticism and give it with respect. A best friend will stand up for you but let you fight your own wars. They're your partner in crime and your shoulder angel. They won't tear you down. They won't use or betray you. They'll be there with a very large hug whether or not you need it. They won't play mind games with your emotions. They won't laugh when you tell them something important to you. They'll tell you what's on their mind and ask for advice. They won't lie but they won't make the truth brutal. And most importantly, they'll love you, even during your most obnoxious stupid moments.
That's what I've got so far. I plan on thinking about it more.
Let's face it folks: Love wasn't meant to be convenient.
Over the past few weeks, an old problem that I thought was resolved resurfaced and slowly drained as much energy from me as it could before I finally faced it today.
Being all smiles is what I do best, even during hard times. But today the smile came off and I just sat down and cried. Why did this have to come back? Just when I felt like I was strong again, the past came and ripped every defense I had to bits. I don't need to be in love...but it would be nice to have someone to talk to...but I don't want to spread my horrible mood....so why the heck am I blogging this?
Well no one really reads it anyway. Meh. Sigh* There's something therapeutic about writing/typing everything out of my head so I can just let it go for now and focus on more important things than myself. People need me. Don't have time to worry about "I". My pain's pretty trivial. I mean there's always someone who's hurting more, right?
Anyway...should be doing homework so I'll go get on that.
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Now playing:
Dixie Chicks - Am I the Only One (Who's Ever Felt This Way?)via FoxyTunes
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Now playing:
Jacky Terrasson - Plaisir d'Amourvia FoxyTunes
