"Repartee is something you think of 24 hours after you should have said it."~Mark Twain

This post is dedicated to all the moments in which I acted like a doormat. I'm moving into a new frame of mind where it is OK to let people know when I'm not OK, when my feelings are hurt, or when I just don't like them at the moment. I'm not going to go on a tyrannical spree of bridge burning or biting everyone's (anyone who has ever ticked me off in the slightest) head off. But here's my list of repartees that I wish I'd been brave enough to say before (no chronological or any sort of order):

*You think a jean skirt is too dressed up? Well ya better start clicking your heels if you don't like it 'cause you're not in Iowa anymore.

*You don't like my lipstick eh? Well I don't like you or anyone you associate with so I think we're about even.

*Oh really? YOU have the perfect body? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*Oooooh! I cower in mock fear of your SENIORITIS! Get over yourself, it's high school. Have fun with that attitude in real life.

*In the words of one of my favorite actresses: You go under water and I'll count to a million.

*Wow....I'm utterly astounded by how stupid you just made yourself look.

*You THINK you like her? You're willing to risk everything you have right now because you THINK you like her?

*You're awfully small minded to be making threats like that.

*As a lady, I don't start fights. But if you start one I will finish it.

*Help you? Sure, I'll help you...right over a cliff!

*Mind? Why would I mind that you tried to take what I wanted most?

*I don't like you, don't even try to talk to me.

*You're standing way too close to me.

There's more, but that actually was enough to make me feel better. Think what you wish :)

My Mum said something that I don't think I'll ever forget the other day.

"They say limabeans are high in iron. Well you know what? So are nails. There are some things that you just don't eat."

Truer words are hard to find. I don't mean to offend those who do enjoy those nasty alien green bean type things. But, ugh....all sorts of limanasty!

Artsy stuff

So hilariously tragic...

Our generation has been given some of the most dangerous tools known to man: digital cameras and the internet. The combination can be lethal to brain cells and the quality of art. To illustrate what I mean: http://www.utahwolfproductions.com/Modeling.html . This is a very sad example of the situation in which someone puts all of their creative energy into an actual production and the product is so low in quality, that the sucktasticness of it has left most viewers dumbfounded. Some may say "They're just using what resources they have, stop being so mean!" But here's my counter remark: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sYBqhOEdRQ&feature=PlayList&p=4023EF9CBB6B9B45&index=0 . EIP(c) is a film group of kids about college age that make films with generally the same equipment and resources Utah Wolf (c) uses. Needless to say the difference in the quality of the acting, cinematography, and overall enjoyability is pretty big. What do you think?

I Will NOT Say I'm In Love.....until I'm absolutely sure...

What do you do when you are suddenly swept off your feet?

I totally was not expecting it to happen. Heck I wasn't even looking! Then suddenly the craziest, quirkiest, most romantic person I've ever met pops into the picture with a guitar and a massive smile. He's amazing. I've never met anyone so vibrant and active. He's a character that you wouldn't expect to see outside of a screenplay or a music video. He's full of energy but it's not hard to keep up with him. He makes everything colorful...heheh ummm in several different ways. Being around him makes me excited about life. He makes me feel like the world is even more amazing than I ever knew and my options are endless.
He's the type of person who'd do something just to be able to say he'd tried it (ex: I could ask what he thought of dancing in a rainstorm naked and he'd say something along the lines of "Hmmm sounds like fun, let's try it!"). Haha Needless to say, being with him is a constant adventure. Now to the serious part.
I don't trust my heart. I feel almost....guilty...I'm afraid to start using the "L" word again. Is it too soon? ARRGGH! It's so frustrating because he helped me through the worst part of my "bad place" in one day after I'd been fighting it for months. And now that my feelings are starting to thaw out, I'm feeling...different. I guess nothing happens the same way twice. Being blank, frozen, and, yes, slightly bitter for four months makes me wonder what the "L" word really feels like. Four months isn't very long...but...? Ugh... Just ugh...

Best Friends Are Curious Creatures

So a rather interesting thing ocured: Someone made me realize that my feelings matter. Crazy. Right when I was resigned to being all doom and gloom for the rest of my life, an amazing person comes out of no where and tells me that everything's alright...and I believe him. So yeah, suddenly I have a best friend. It's been pretty amazing to say the least. He's exactly what a best friend should be and I hope that I'm half as helpful to him as he is to me.
At the moment I'm taking some time to think about what being a good best friend is. I think a best friend is someone you'd do just about anything for because they make you a better person. A best friend teaches you things and listens to what you have to say. They'll let you know when you've made a mistake. They'll set aside some "hangout time" so you both can enjoy a break from reality. They'll accept constructive criticism and give it with respect. A best friend will stand up for you but let you fight your own wars. They're your partner in crime and your shoulder angel. They won't tear you down. They won't use or betray you. They'll be there with a very large hug whether or not you need it. They won't play mind games with your emotions. They won't laugh when you tell them something important to you. They'll tell you what's on their mind and ask for advice. They won't lie but they won't make the truth brutal. And most importantly, they'll love you, even during your most obnoxious stupid moments.
That's what I've got so far. I plan on thinking about it more.

And the Pain Comes Back With Vengance

Let's face it folks: Love wasn't meant to be convenient.

Over the past few weeks, an old problem that I thought was resolved resurfaced and slowly drained as much energy from me as it could before I finally faced it today.
Being all smiles is what I do best, even during hard times. But today the smile came off and I just sat down and cried. Why did this have to come back? Just when I felt like I was strong again, the past came and ripped every defense I had to bits. I don't need to be in love...but it would be nice to have someone to talk to...but I don't want to spread my horrible mood....so why the heck am I blogging this?
Well no one really reads it anyway. Meh. Sigh* There's something therapeutic about writing/typing everything out of my head so I can just let it go for now and focus on more important things than myself. People need me. Don't have time to worry about "I". My pain's pretty trivial. I mean there's always someone who's hurting more, right?
Anyway...should be doing homework so I'll go get on that.


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Now playing: Dixie Chicks - Am I the Only One (Who's Ever Felt This Way?)
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Jacky Terrasson - Plaisir d'Amour
via FoxyTunes